In the Ring or on the Field, Igor Hummed

Although Stravinsky’s fame rests entirely
on his musical compositions, he was also a form-
idable boxer with a lifetime record of one hundred-
and-three wins and only one loss, and that to the
brutal Harry S. Truman. But he also loved base-
ball and pitched in the minor leagues for some
years. His fastball was clocked at 105 mph and
he could throw a sinker that left the best batters
wondering if the ball had been sucked into the
earth by a demon. He composed Patrouchka while
on the road with the Kansas City Blues, his team-
mates often helped out with difficult passages.
While drinking a couple of beers on the bus,
he’d hum out loud, and one of the players would
say, “No, Igor, like this, fortissimo.”

Just to Feel Human

A single apple grew on our tree, which
was some kind of miracle because it was a
pear tree. We walked around it scratching
our heads. “You want to eat it?” I asked
my wife. “I’d die first,” she replied. We
went back into the house. I stood by the
kitchen window and stared at it. I thought
of Adam and Eve, but I didn’t believe in Adam
and Eve. My wife said, “If you don’t stop
staring at that stupid apple I’m going to go
out there and eat it.” “So go,” I said, “but
take your clothes off first, go naked.” She
looked at me as if I were insane, and then
she started to undress, and so did I.

Ontario Review #53